The Scale

I am having a love hate relationship with the scale again. It calls my name, gets my attention, entices me with the hopes of a smaller number. I so want to feel that excitement that I’m overcome with when the number is lower. But each time I give in and step on that scale I risk the number being the same and the feelings of guilt and laziness that envelopes me is overwhelming. I have failed. I am worthless. I have to work harder. I want to restrict more and work out more. I hate feeling like this. I hate the scale. Yet I can’t get rid of it because I love it. I love when it is kind to me. I love how it validates my hard work. I love how it makes me happy. So, I go on, letting it dictate what my day will be like. Because I need to see that number. Good or bad.